Emotional Amnesia Sucks, but So Do I

October 06th 2025, written by Rowan

---

We tried submiting, fighting, asking for help and nothing's working ever so I guess we're just screwed.

I'm just too broken to be in any kind of relationship with anyone, and worst of all, if I split I'll just reform like I did over and over again always the same guy with a different name and... All I do is mask. That's all I am.

I guess that's expected when we lived for nearly 27 years with having to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps... 27 years, jesus christ...

I'm the one who identifies most with our birthday, but even for me it doesn't mean anything, really. 27 is a big number, and it makes me feel like we wasted it so far or just... misused it. Not that we could have possibly done anything. We've been flailing and trying to stop getting hurt and it does not stop.

I do wish my birthday was special though. Or if it meant something outside of reminding me that it's been one third of our lives and nothing is getting better.

We're not going anywhere because we physically can't, but I can't emphasize enough that my special interests are the only things keeping us here...

Well, that's not entirely true. We have friends on the internet, I have a partner... though I do think they deserve better than someone who's barely a person.

Considering the state our country is in we probably won't be able to get mental health help either which makes our mental health worse. Catch 22.

Mine anyways. I'm the shell and since it's been stressful all summer and even now, I will take all the beating.

My fucking god, I'm so tired.